and you left the place you so intensely despised, but... not happy yet??
don't tell me you thought that the mere change of environment would bring you deliverance from yourself!
you had hoped it wasn't you...it was the people and the circumstances here that made you who you were, a self not worth even looking at the mirror
so you wanted to leave
but you were afraid... yes, you feared that you might not be able to find salvation in any other place either...
you had to try anyways, though
true, you were saved from sad old memories, sad old selves
bu the impact of those emotions, faces, attitudes, reactions was already deeply carved into you
so nothing was good enough there either
and now you're on the run, pushing away anyone who cares
you're running from yourself and from the truth
you have to change places, faces- make new memories to replace the old and make a new reality
you can't stand who you are, what you're made of
But you have to accept, that deep inside you like what you're made of... solitude
...that you do enjoy your own madness and the fictional paranoia that embraces you
or do you fear that others won't stand you, since you can't even stand yourself??
there's no safe haven for you then
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